CHOOSING CIVILITY | Connecting effectively, relating with kindness.™

QUESTION:  Do you know someone who suspects protocol is rigid behavior designed to make normal people feel inferior?  Perhaps your colleague immediately dismisses it as entirely irrelevant to her life, or a friend admits that he doesn’t know what protocol is but would be curious to learn.

ANSWER:  The word ‘protocol’ broadly means how to function under certain rules or conventions in order to prevent chaos. It has different connotations depending upon your career interests. ...

To read the entire article, please consider joining.  See:  IAPC Ambassadors of Civility

IAPC continues to promote our Make Incivility Taboo Campaign in order to encourage individual community service.  We are pleased to showcase another member’s service preference in "choosing civility."

Paul's Walk 5K
www.paulswalk5k.com

Mission: Paul's Walk is an annual 5K walk/run co-hosted by Pi Kappa Phi fraternity and Sigma Sigma Sigma sorority that heightens the awareness of Lou Gehrig's disease.

An IAPC Ambassador of Civility participated in the fifth annual Paul's Walk with college students from James Madison University (JMU). 

Participants teamed up to host and support heightening the awareness of Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS), a disease of the nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord that control voluntary muscle movement.  ALS is also known as Lou Gehrig's disease.  Our member is proud to report that the event raised more than $30,000 on Saturday, 27 March 2010.

We want to know what community charity YOU support and how it promotes civility.  We will be pleased to showcase your active volunteering choice in the COMMUNIQUÉ.  Please submit your participation via email, with subject line: Make Incivility Taboo. If selected, IAPC will provide a courtesy reference link to your charity’s features.

Dear Member:

I am happy to provide answers from my newly released book, Service Etiquette, Fifth Edition.  I highly encourage you to purchase it, as there is much information that business professionals find extremely useful.  Today, for instance, you would most appreciate the chapters on Introductions, Conversations, and Farewells; Toasts; Guest and Visitor Civility; and Military and Government Protocol.

ANSWERS to your questions:

What order should they be introduced?

Former US presidents rank third in precedence (behind the current President and Vice President) and by date of service (earlier serving is first, most recent is last).  For example, President Carter would outrank President Clinton. Incumbent officials rank higher than do former officials; they are often referred to properly by title alone.  Only U.S. President Obama should be addressed as ‘Mr. President.’

What is the proper form of introduction?

Whether professional or social, non-official persons (private citizens) regardless of age or gender are presented to former chiefs of state, for example:  “President Bush, may I present Dr. Kent?”  When greeting retired presidents, use the title and last name together at all times, for example, ‘President Washington.’  When referring to retired officials in writing or speaking about them to others, the correct form is, Former President George Bush.  Welcome the presidents first in a group, like this: “President Washington, President Lincoln, ladies and gentlemen, we are honored to gather this evening for…”

Here are some other courtesies to remember: Greet the former presidents at curbside and escort them inside.  Do not walk in front of escorted former presidents, even if you are the advance person.  Keep them on your right side when walking, allow them to precede you through doorways, refrain from riding in elevators with them unless invited (you may be the official escort), and usher them all the way to their seats.  Stand up when they walk into the room and remain standing as long as they are standing.  Escort them all the way back to their cars at the conclusion of your event.

It was a pleasure to serve as your resource.

Cherlynn Conetsco, IAPC President

QUESTION:  I am trying to find sources that might give an insight into the service etiquette of the times as well as the expectations of military wives in the 1920s and later in the 1940s.

ANSWER:  Your question was passed on to several IAPC members who were/are military spouses.  They found it fascinating to ask around and research on your behalf.  Here is a consolidated reply:

- Most military personnel and their spouses relied on locally produced pamphlets by the base, station, or port where they were stationed.  These usually typewritten and photocopied pages were provided to the newly arrived officers always, and sometimes to the enlisted personnel.  Every location had its own version, often written and published by the commander’s office.  For example, one military spouse cited a 1960 Air Force booklet, “Something on Protocol” and another recalled an Army “Hostess Book” provided by their predecessors.  Another IAPC member helped to update the Navy spouse “Wifeline” publication on etiquette that had been in existence for a long time.

- The Special Collections/Archives Office of any military locations where your subject lived might have old spouse handouts and pamphlets.  Ask for local regulations or guidelines with titles such as “How to Call” on the ranking military leader(s), and the local wives’ club guidance on hosting and attending “Coffees/Teas”.

- Twelve Handkerchiefs by Joan Bulkeley Stade, is not an etiquette book but might be helpful to you.  Dust jacket reads, “The global journey of Alice Wood Bulkeley through World War II and the twentieth century with an American Navy hero.”

- The Center for Military History, Historical Resources Branch on Fort McNair (in Washington, DC) and The National Military Family Association (www.militaryfamily.org) are suggestions for further research.

We wish you success and look forward to hearing from you when your monograph is finished.

Excerpt from IS CIVILITY DEAD? by Alinda Lewris

Despite all the recent publicity broadcasting acts of incivility by music stars, sports stars, and political figures, I still firmly believe that most of us are respectful, kind people who strive to lead good, moral lives.

Obviously the images of civility from previous centuries such as the romantic myth of the swashbuckler Sir Walter Raleigh gallantly laying his cloak over a mud puddle so that English Queen Elizabeth I wouldn't soil her shoes as she stepped over it, have long since changed. But today we do have many real world examples of civility in action.

***

In a recent analysis published in The Columbia Undergraduate Science Journal, researchers found that in some countries, more than 99 percent of people consent to organ donation. The Red Cross / The Red Crescent collects over 6 million blood donations each year. The United States’ leading youth mentoring organization, Big Brothers Big Sisters currently operates in all 50 states and in 12 other countries. These are acts of generous behavior that show consideration to strangers and enhance the quality of life for all mankind. On a more substantive universal level, they are also acts of civility.

CIVILITY, in fact, IS VERY MUCH ALIVE even when it takes publicized uncivil outbursts or a natural disaster to remind us that we can "rise above" unkind acts or remarks. “Civility” derives from the Latin civilis meaning relating to citizens. We, as citizens of the world, must embrace Civility, implement Civility, and teach Civility to future generations.

"For every act of rudeness there are plenty examples of kindness."  What do you think?

COMMENT submitted by M.B.

Unabashedly I admit when asked, Is civility dead?, that the movie "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" comes to mind.  Specifically, the eerie street scene where the collector of the dead argues with a man who proclaims he isn't deceased.  ‘I feel happy, I feel happy,’ the man states, but the collector is in such a hurry to fill his cart with bodies that he silences the man with a whack of his club.  Like the man who isn't yet dead, I firmly believe that civility is still alive!  Unfortunately, incivility trumps civility in the public arena because it sells.

A recent questioner insisted that it was proper to cup a red wine glass to warm it and increase the bouquet, just as one would brandy in a snifter.  Assuming that one's glass is not stemless (leaving no option but to grasp it with a full hand), is this ever advisable?

IAPC Comment:  "No" says oenophile Dave McIntyre (dmwineline.com).  In an April 2008 archived article on his website titled, Nuvo Wine Thermometer, he wrote, "Is it necessary to know the exact serving temperature of your wine?  No.  But it is true that many whites are served too cold (fridge temp) and many reds served too hot (room temp). "  He suggests consulting www.nuvovino.com/application/index.asp for a handy chart, which advises a range of 56-66 degrees Fahrenheit (13-19 Celsius) for red wine - considerably less than hand temperature.  As the founder of Nuvo Vino writes, "It's all about maximizing enjoyment of the wine.  Remember the efforts of the winemaker.  Their talents are wasted when a wine is consumed too hot or cold."

Speaking of maximizing enjoyment, Washington Post restaurant critic Tom Sietsema, in a November 2009 Ask Tom column, said that there must be room in the bowl to swirl and then smell the wine before sipping.  Ambassadors of Civility twist their wrists (to rotate the wine bottle), and tilt the bottleneck up toward the end of pouring (so that drips do not fall on the table), and fill a wine glass no more than two-thirds full.

Not filling to the top of the glass also helps during toasting. Service Etiquette, Fifth Edition states, "Toast-givers in multi-national settings lift the glass or cup formally with both hands approximately chest high - the right hand holding the stem, bowl, or handle and the left hand with fingers flat to support the bottom.  Always employ this international method, as it is appropriate anywhere and will be automatic to you when needed.  Keep your toasts short, simple, and sincere with the spotlight on the honoree, not yourself."

The following is the International Association of Protocol Consultants® / Officers (IAPC) Standard:

Wine Glass Etiquette

Wine goblets should always be held by the stem to keep fingerprints off the bowl and to avoid affecting the temperature of the contents.  Glasses should be filled no more than two-thirds full.  To enhance your global leadership qualities, hold the glass with your right hand and support the base with your left during toasts.  Drop your left hand to drink.

n.b.  When there is conflicting guidance in popular protocol and etiquette books, IAPC conducts independent research in international publications dealing with manners and traditions, consults with industry experts, and performs peer reviews.  We have reliable processes that allow us to develop universally accepted global criteria.

Do you long to invest in things that matter? Add these two to your New Year’s Resolutions because in today’s fast-paced world most professional knowledge becomes obsolete almost as soon as acquired, EXCEPT your civility and demeanor. A 2005 Carnegie Foundation study on the subject concludes that success is 15% technical skills and 85% people skills. The most important people skills are your automatic good manners.

Resolution #1. As an IAPC Ambassador, even if you typically spend more time interacting with things rather than people, decide now to incorporate daily civility and kindness. Pick one of the easy demonstrations from our Good Manners list below, test it as your mission for today, and watch others admiring and emulating (consciously and unconsciously) your high standards.

Good Manners:
1. Smile at others.
2. Make eye contact & nod to those walking toward you.
3. Hold open doors for others.
4. Invite cars in ahead of yours on the road.
5. Say “Please,” “Excuse me,” “Thank-you,” and “You’re welcome” to everyone, but especially your family members instead of taking their goodwill for granted.

Resolution #2. Good manners lend increased social confidence, which in turn refines personal and professional visibility and influence.

Snowboarders began swearing when they learned who won the gold medal. Their comments were caught on NBC microphones. Commentators had to apologize to the viewing audience.  As role models on the world stage, how could they think that their words and actions should be private?

The accepted respectful greeting worldwide is the Western-style handshake. Will that inevitably change due to increases in the severity or frequency of global pandemics?

The March 2010 Communiqué is available for all IAPC Ambassadors of Civility. Simply LOGIN at www.ChoosingCivility.ORG using your personal User Name and Password.