CATCH THE SPIRIT COMMUNIQUÉ The Official Newsletter of International Association of Protocol Consultants® and Officers (IAPC)
PRESIDENT'S LETTER - January 2011
Dear Ambassadors of Civility:
HAPPY NEW YEAR, East and West! Chinese New Year (the Spring Festival) begins on the third of February and is celebrated by people of Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese, Tibetan, and Mongolian heritage. It will be the year 4708 in the Chinese calendar: the Year of the Rabbit. People born in the year of a particular animal are said to share the characteristics of that animal. Previous Rabbit years were: 1927, 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, and 1999.
The United States Postal Service issued 12 stamps to honor the Chinese lunar calendar. This one depicts the Year of the Rabbit.
I am a rabbit as it happens. The Chinese horoscope says that Rabbits are articulate and good communicators; that friends and acquaintances seek out their advice. They make excellent diplomats, writers, and teachers among other vocations. I can relate to those statements in my own career choices. In personality, people born under the rabbit sign enjoy learning about cultural issues and people from other countries; certainly true for me -- read this issue?s Representation: International Protocol. Friendly Rabbits are said to have character traits such as creativity and compassion; to be sophisticated, expressive, and well-mannered. They also seek peace throughout their lives. I found that information very flattering and was happy about the peace comment until I realized that, alas, it also means that I will encounter conflict until the end of time. However, who better than IAPC Ambassadors of Civility to help me pass on the message of harmony? It is essential for social order that individuals think and act for others first and for themselves last. Please share the IAPC web address: www.ChoosingCivility.org with your friends and professional colleagues and remind them that we are an all volunteer, all inclusive, nonprofit, nonpartisan, educational and professional organization with free membership and quarterly newsletters.
To all of you (and most especially Rabbits), May you share peace and civility, Cherlynn Conetsco IAPC President
FAVORITE QUOTE
“In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant. Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You can quote me.”
~ Jimmy Stewart as Elwood P. Dowd in the movie Harvey about a large rabbit pooka
"MAKE INCIVILITY TABOO" CAUTIONING WORLD LEADERS
IAPC encourages leaders to make a New Year's resolution to uphold basic civility - - one of their more important duties. Leaders are communicators and educators. The populace is taught by their example, whether or not the leader realizes it or wants to be viewed as a role model.
Public positions (such as government officials) can command respect, and stellar accomplishments (as with Olympic athletes) are admired; so when the incumbent is lacking in courtesy, he or she is setting an uncivil tone that others will follow. . .to society's detriment.
Personal character can enhance one's position but the position will never substitute for personal civility. For instance, representatives at the highest level in the United States made news in 2010 for the shocking lack of expected refinement in their speech and actions.* One leader shouted an insult to the U.S. President during his televised speech to Congress. Another U.S. leader's vocabulary lacked all refinement as he said a crude word directly into the President's microphone at an historic document signing -- and both moments were instantly transmitted around the world. If leaders won't mind their manners in such high-visibility situations, when does their demeanor matter to them?
"Civility" derives from the Latin civilis meaning relating to citizens. Every society needs leaders (in every profession) not to be so lost to basic civilization principles that they feel free to curse or yell in public, whether at others or in reaction to their own frustrations. That behavior is insulting and disrespectful, garners witnesses to their loss of self-control, and abets the recording and broadcast of their ineptitude to eternal cyberspace.
Make no mistake: Incivility is a form of incompetence. One does not show strength when foul-mouthed, rude, or insensitive. Lack of respect models a low standard of behavior for the watching public. It should be no mystery then, why TV coverage increasingly shows people being rude and 'out of control.' Why not? Their leaders have shown them that respect, restraint, and personal demeanor matter little. Surely this is not what they intend.
Before incivility becomes even more rampant, IAPC urges all in a leadership position to pay at least as much attention to their words and actions in 2011 as they do their power wardrobes or fashionable haircuts. "Handsome is as handsome does." Here then is our suggested New Year's resolution, good for us all but imperative for leaders: Polish your social behavior. Never speak to anything that could result in the damage of another's reputation or your own.
*NOTES: 1. U.S. Representative Joe Wilson's (R., S.C.) shouted "You Lie!" during President Barack Obama's September 2009 speech to Congress. 2. U.S. Vice President Joe Biden dropped the F-bomb at the podium immediately before President Barack Obama's speech at the signing of the health care reform bill in March 2010.
REPRESENTATION: International Protocol by Cherlynn Conetsco, IAPC President and coauthor of Service Etiquette, 5th Edition
I have been a fortunate guest in the residences of many, many diplomats in Washington, DC. It is always a pleasure to learn their customs. For instance, Republic of China (ROC) representatives taught me how to take tea the age-old way at historic Twin Oaks, the home of Alexander Graham Bell (inventor of the telephone). The restored estate served as residence for nine consecutive ROC ambassadors, and remains a property of the Taipei Economic and Cultural Representative Office. Two Taiwanese diplomatic (ambassador) wives, Julie Chen and Mrs. Mou-Shih Ding, both taught me that how one handles a gaiwan is a central indication of one’s sophistication in Far East Asia. A teapot and cup in one, the gaiwan is used to brew as well as sip. It originated in the Ming dynasty (1368-1644). These unique vessels have three parts: lids, handleless bowls, and saucers.
Gaiwan
I was most happy to share some of the expected manners when I met with IAPC leaders at a Chinese teahouse. Teatime after work is ideal for meeting with busy people in city centers before they depart for their suburban homes. Afternoon Tea is also considered the least compromising male-female dining situation.
Teahouse staff paid considerable attention to detail in their elaborate preparation of our oolong tea. Enough leaves for a single serving is measured into the bowl. They rinse them with boiling water and immediately drain, using the lid to hold back leaves. Boiling water is poured down one side of the bowl to produce a swirl; the tea is covered and steeped no more than two minutes.
We practiced traditional etiquette by keeping all three pieces together; the cup is never removed from its saucer. Males with larger hands can manage the drinking process with one hand, but females rest the gaiwan on their non-dominant palms (usually the left), hold the lid’s knob with the dominant thumb and index finger (customarily the right hand), and tilt the lid slightly away from lips to filter leaves as the liquid is drunk. Let fingers fall naturally (curl them instead of lifting them high). The cardinal rule is Do Not Rattle Lids. If your gaiwan is empty, simply place its cover on the table and wait staff will come with more hot water. If you need to leave the table temporarily, put your gaiwan lid on your chair. Does this ancient SIGNAL remind you of anything? Be sure to read IAPC Principles and Standards below.
IAPC PRINCIPLES AND STANDARDS
The following is an International Association of Protocol Consultants® / Officers (IAPC) Standard:
Napkin (Serviette) Etiquette
Guests should lift their napkins (serviettes) from the table only after the table host does (unless the host indicates that they should proceed without waiting). Napkins are placed on the lap by unfolding beneath the table; opened entirely if small, kept folded in half if large (dinner size), with the fold towards the waist. If the napkin is non-standard (for example, towels are handed out at ethnic dinners), it may be folded in half, if desired. The napkin remains on the lap unless blotting the lips. Wipe fingers inside “between the folds” to keep the napkin clean next to clothing.
If leaving the table during the meal is unavoidable (for instance, during long award dinners or buffet/self-serve meals), the time-honored signal to wait staff that return is imminent is to lay the napkin on your chair’s seat. Sometimes wait staff are trained by their eatery to refold a napkin and return it to the table while the patron is gone, but we discourage that practice. IAPC recommendations are motivated by international considerations. A napkin is a diner’s “private property” while eating and should not be touched, as this violates notions of cleanliness (personal health concerns), personal space boundaries (important in most societies), or even social status criterion (for one person to “pollute” another’s belongings is anathema in cultures with caste system taboos or religious discriminations).
When the host indicates that the meal is concluded, gather the napkin softly (do not refold) and place to the left of the plate/place setting. This traditionally accepted signal indicates to wait staff that the patron will not return. If all plates have been removed, the napkin also may be properly placed in the center of the cover (place setting) area. Never discard any napkin on top of a non-disposable plate. Paper napkins should be left as neatly as possible in the same locations as cloth napkins.
n.b. When there is conflicting written guidance in popular protocol and etiquette books, IAPC conducts independent research in international publications dealing with manners and traditions, consults with industry experts, and performs peer reviews. We have reliable processes that allow us to develop universally accepted global criteria.
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